I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
