Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
