You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
