I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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