You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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