you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
