You can't motorboat a personality
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
