u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
