my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
