Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
