My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
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are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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