i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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