wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
