hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
