Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She announced her abortion via fbk
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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