I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Sorry my hands just texted you
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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