can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Let's get the cat blown out
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
