When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
