just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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