My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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