and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
