I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
