The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
