Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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