im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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