Umm I'm too high to move.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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