Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
