Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
