I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
