There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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