Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
