maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
it was like his penis was on wheels.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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