My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
