If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
