I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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