dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
