She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
