Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
