My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
