So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
