im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
