david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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