what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
