I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
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I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
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Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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