i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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