how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
