He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just high enough for therapy.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
