I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Randomize
