Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
