Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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