I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
