so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
