we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Ketchup is God's man juice
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
