And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
my poor anus
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
