dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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