I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
