well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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