I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
