i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
