Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
