Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
