i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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