you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
