So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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