if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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