this just has baby written all over it
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
