this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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