We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!