Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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