The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?