Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
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I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
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She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.