let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
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on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
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Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?