Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.