I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
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im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.