just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
