I miss vodka workout Fridays
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just want nice things and good sex
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
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