someone owes me an orgasm
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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