Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
