I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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