I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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