you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize