please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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