So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
