she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize