Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
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I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
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All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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