were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
